I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
ttyl tear gas
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
