We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
