I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
