Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
