So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
