Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
