the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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