Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
