According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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