These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
