so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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