Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
