Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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