found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
