call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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