so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Randomize
