so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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