so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Dicks are not precious.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
