Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
