i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
