Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
