I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
