one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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