oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
