I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
