OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
