I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
