Don't you send me to vm
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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