My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
it hurts more in the daytime
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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