If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i love accidental penises.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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