After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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