Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
