for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
