I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
