everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
