omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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