so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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