I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
