My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
