I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
