Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I think your dad took our porno
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
