Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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