So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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