omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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