I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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