How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
