I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
