come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
