yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
