it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
