perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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