Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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